Rough Start

2018 crept in on the still of a bitter cold night. We opted to stay in, as I was recovering from a lingering wintery virus that may have been a strain of flu. I stayed up talking to my nephew, who came to stay with us just before Christmas, and took my sober ass to bed around ten. The vet was already asleep, even though he had napped the day away. He had celebrated with his buddies the night before. I laid awake until the sounds of distant fireworks and gunfire intermingled with his snores.

So much for a kiss at midnight, a peck at dawn greeted our new year.

Oh, we were off to a real good start and yes, I am being sarcastic. The vet left with a neighbor to go play cards with the fellas while I was still cooking the traditional holiday dinner and did not wander home until the next day. So much for luck.

Feeling neglected put me in a pissy ass mood. If how one starts the new year is an indicator of how things would be, it’s time to clean house.

I started in my office, shredding papers and what not, with a plan to work counterclockwise through the house. The vet was alternating nights, establishing a pattern of splitting time between here and there with the same results as before… home only 3 or 4 nights per week, like one foot out the door already, may as well box up the other. Then something changed. I was home alone when I felt it, something had shifted in the time warp continuum… okay, that is goofy, let’s just say that it came like a knowing without knowing why or what happened that would alter the course of everything. I just felt it and knew  everything would be alright.

Two days later, my nephew wrote the manual on “How to Self-destruct in 90 minutes” by living it out. Had I known that hearing Arabic and other languages when he could not find me in a crowded Walmart could trigger some kind of post-war PTSD episode coupled by paranoid delusions that would escalate to violence within an hour of leaving the store, I would have asked someone else to take me shopping.

He has a good lawyer, so maybe he can get help instead of prison time. All charges stem from fighting police after he was handcuffed. He resisted arrest as if captured by his imaginary foes.

I almost didn’t mention it as his mother reads this blog and she is very distraught over everything. It has been heart wrenching for everyone. The vet is still sore from my nephew beating on him. He has a broken collar bone. I am still trying to process what happened. I don’t understand the why… the vet treated my nephew like family, they got along well. There was no simmering animosity between them, as far as I could tell. They have had heated discussions over my nephew’s ideas on how to remedy social injustices, but even then, they were expressing opposing views… not even arguing. There was never any fighting, no name calling, no harsh words or anything.

What bothers me the most, is that my nephew, for whatever reason, became violent in my home. This experience tells me that he is unpredictable and dangerous. Deep down inside, I am now scared of my own nephew and I am having a hard time trying to wrap my brain around that because I have so many memories of him as a sweet little boy. I love him.


Art Start: Domestic Rage

Abuse is a polite word used to soften the impact of crimes committed by persons who claim to love, or have once loved, the victim. Call it what it is… assault, battery, attempted murder, rape, torture, etc. Psychological manipulation and verbal assaults should also be viewed in a serious light as those are means to beat a person down from the inside out, to destroy their sense of self worth or make them feel trapped in a helpless situation so they can be more easily controlled.

Silence perpetuates abuse. People die because other people refuse to get involved, don’t bother to report crimes of domestic rage. My sister is alive today because someone called the law.

So, what does this have to do with this oh, so unfinished art?

unfinished... a rough start

unfinished… a rough start

Everything. I overheard how a man talks to someone I care about over the phone. I think she should leave him. It is her choice to stay. Bottom line: it is her life.

This painting is about rising, standing free and strong… or will be when it’s done.

Thanks for reading.


UPDATE Mar. 9, 2015:  Here is how the art looks now… size is 6×9 inches so it will be matted for a 9×12 frame.