Stepping back or to the side even just a little bit can render drastic changes to how you view things… sunlight filtering through tree branches may shift from being a glare in your eyes to a dance of light and shadows across lush, colorful textures of moss and bark. It’s time to do a mind shift, to step back and look at everything from other angles so I can see what is going on here from other perspectives.
From one perspective… it is this song:
Change the word “mom” to “man” in the lyric that goes “I don’t get angry when my
mom man…” and that’s what is going on here… and I’m waiting (again) for him to “come back to me” as he’s been MIA since yesterday morning. Oh, he did call last night, melting my irritation on “hey beautiful…” Sheez. Thing is, “life is too short so love the one you got” and I know he really does love me, even when he is three sheets to the wind before nine.
Step to the side a bit… what changed recently?
Frequency. What used to be once or twice a month comes faster and harder now.
COUPLE DAYS LATER (waking up alone again): Shift again… what am I forgetting?
Duh… he doesn’t live here… total complete brain shift.
Okay, so let us examine the facts… ignore that he has been here at least 330 days of the past year, has a lot of clothes and stuff here, does chores here, cuts the grass here, has keys to the doors and acts like he lives here… does he actually, really truely officially, live here? NO… he has his own apartment downtown. Does he get any mail here? NO… his mail goes to HIS address. Does he chip in or pay any of the bills? NO… he pays the bills for HIS place. Considering that he would be the first to say that you are supposed to “pay where you stay” and credit his dad for teaching him that lesson soon after he got his first job as a teenager, by his own rule or definition, call it whatever you want, he doesn’t really live here.
I’m going to have to mull this over and think about it for awhile.
If he doesn’t really live here, I need to stop thinking that he does… is this the beginning of the end? Can two people go from living together (or thinking they were living together) to NOT living together without one thinking that the other doesn’t want them?
I don’t know… time will tell.
Thanks for reading.