Dried Beef & Onion Spread

Cream cheese, minced dried beef, onions, and chives… dash of Worcestershire, shaped into a ball or thinned to a spread consistency. Serve with crackers. It’s a good spread for bagels, too. Yes, the “Tupperware” shown in photo are recycled KFC coleslaw containers. Us poor folks save those things. One recipe fills three. My daughter’s easier alternative method is below mine.

 

MOM’S RECIPE

• 16 oz (2 pkg) Philadelphia Cream Cheese
• 1 jar (2.25 oz) Armor Dried Beef
• 3 T dried minced onions
• 3 T dried minced chives
• 1 tsp Worcestershire Sauce
• 2 T milk

1. Set cream cheese out to soften.
2. Combine dried onions and chives in a little bowl. Add just enough water to cover and set aside so they can come back to life. NOTE: measures are approximates. Use more or less, as desired. ALTERNATIVE: mince fresh chives and onions instead of using dehydrated.
3. Rinse excess salts off the dried beef. I prefer to do this quickly under running water because if you soak or rinse too long, you will rinse off some of the flavor, too.
4. Mince the dried beef with a sharp knife on a cutting board. (Note: stack beef slices before cutting instead of trying to do one slice at a time.)
5. Drain excess water from onions and chives.
6. Put cream cheese in bowl. Add minced beef, onion-chives, and a good dash of Worcestershire (about a teaspoon). Smash together with a wooden spoon until well combined.  Shape in ball or thin with milk to desired spreading consistency.
7. Store in refrigerator. This is good to make a day or so before serving so the flavors have time to mingle. Garnish with chives, if desired.

 

DAUGHTER’S RECIPE:  Add minced dried beef to Chive & Onion Spread. Done.

Thanks for reading & happy holidays!

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LEEK: art therapy

Have you seen her? She looks like your onion ass all over.

WHAT?

She’s big, not like you, she don’t have a neck or nothing man, like that girl on Willy Wonka, a blueberry, like your onion ass ALL over.

MY WHAT?

You know you got that onion ass, nothing you can do about it. I know you’re losing weight but it don’t matter how skinny you get, you can’t get rid of that… you’ll always have an onion ass…

I let him dig himself into a deeper hole trying to explain why he calls my ass an “onion” when I should just consider the source and move on, like this middle aged man pronounces “vagina” as “va-jay-jay” and probably pees out of a “winky” but my mind was stuck on that onion thing. How the hell does my ass look like an onion? Onions are round and firm – he’s never touched it, never will, so I don’t understand the comparison.

I happen to like onions, buy spicy red onions to slice in thin slivers on leafy green salads (spinach is the “new lettuce” in my world) and sweet whites are good sliced. I also occassionally buy yellow spanish onions for cooking although I do prefer shallots minced for some dishes and sliced green onions for others. And, of course, we cannot forget chives with their mild onion flavor as snipped chives is a favorite garnish.

Never once, in my 52 years on this planet, has it ever crossed my mind to describe my big ol’ butt as an onion. And yes, suppose he is right in that my body type will never change, I always was and always will be “pear shape” but geez… if asses are in the onion family, I am a shallot and he is a freaking leek.

Still, it bothered me. It laid on my mind like an irritation, especially that “you will always have an onion ass” and the best way to purge my mind of irritations is with a little art therapy.

The following colored pencil drawing started out as onions until I worked over it in my typical abstract fashion. Faber-Castell Polychromos on hot pressed 100% cotton watercolour paper, 4×6 inches.

Thanks for reading today!