Lady Update

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Our Lady of the Garden

I was asked what happened to the doll, like huh?  Oh, the Our Lady of the Garden mosaic sculpture.

It is a long story.   I put her up for sale on craigslist and a woman called, said she wanted to buy it for their new store.  Guess they are opening some kind of garden plants and décor shop up around Mecca.  Creekside something.   She talked about how the Lady would be perfect for their landscape, how they envisioned cleaning up the yard all the way to the creek and really going all out to turn it into something special with plantings and sculptures and outdoor art.   The only thing is, she would not be able to come pick it up until the very day I was scheduled to move.   She was to call when she was on her way so we could sync time between loads, be there when she arrived with a truck and a dolly.

She never called.

We had a backup plan.  If the woman didn’t show up to buy the Lady, my ex was going to store the outdoor sculpture in his garage.  Unfortunately, the moving helpers went home after they got paid so there was no one there to help the Xman load the Lady onto his truck.

So, I knocked on the door of a neighbor girl and asked her if she wanted it.   I knew she liked it.  She agreed to take it and her boyfriend would help her relocate it after he got home from work.  I assume they got it, but I haven’t been out that way since I’ve moved to see where they placed it in their yard or if it was left for the new tenants of my old apartment.

I don’t care if she gets moved from place to place, sold or given away, ends up wherever, as long as she doesn’t end up in a garbage dumpster.

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Farewell, my Lady.

Bend (beyond ropes)

I crossed the line.  The earth did not shatter. 

That line was my SAFE line on the scale.  Kind of stupid, but I had to CBT some sense into my thinking and writing it out into poem form really helped.

My fears were delusional.  I do NOT NEED a hundred plus pound “cushion” to protect myself anymore. 

Facts are:
1.  I am not a defenseless child anymore.
2.  I am an old woman now.  Time itself is a blessing.
3.  No one has tried to rape me when I weighed over 100 lbs.  No one has tried to force me over 200 lbs.
4.  Age & fat do not eliminate all unwanted advances, but there is a definite inverse math thing going on.  The older/heavier you are, the less often a woman has to deal with that. 
5.  I can and have warded off unwelcome advances, so telling myself that I don’t know how to deal with that bull is a lie.  Quite simply, I hate being hit on.  I don’t want to have to deal with any of that.

Do I have sexual issues?  No, I have issues with total jerks, drunken assholes, and pedophiles. 

It is funny how the mind works.  I have hovered just above that “safe” line all summer, self-sabatoging (not always conciously) every time I was about to cross it until I realized what was going on.  So stupid to have so much nonsense attached to a particular number.

I’m not scared anymore.  I don’t “need” fat anymore.  Crossing the line or maybe writing the poem “Ropes” brought peace and clarity. 

OH… by the way, having a clear head is wonderful.  I have made some life altering decisions, including a relocation.

Yes, I am moving! 

It is not a 100% done deal yet… but I have already given notice to my current landlord and started downsizing and packing up to move to a smaller space in a much desired location.  It will be a life changer.  I don’t want to say too much about it yet because it’s not a done deal yet, don’t want to jinx it.

Well, that’s what I have been up to… life is about to spin on a dime with some much anticipated changes and once again, I am slow to blog and very behind on blog reading.

Yo, anyone local want to buy a large mosaic lady for their flower garden?  If so, make me an offer… my life is about to spin on a dime and I can’t take her with me. 

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That’s an old photo from before she went outdoors.  I can snap more if anyone is interested… or come see in person.  She requires a dedicated dolly to move her, just wrap her in a heavy blanket and strap her down, roll her on out.  She’s been moved 3 times, twice in moving vans.  The last time, it took two men to lift her onto a pickup truck. She’s heavy, a bit crude, but belongs where the sun can sparkle on her glass, surrounded by flowers.