Holiday Irritations

“Find a nice fat girl and you will never go hungry.”

I believe such advice has been quietly handed down, from one old bum to another.  Yes, I am fat. And yes, I have and will and do feed hungry people.  But, there is nice and then there is nice. I am a nice person as in generally being a pleasant person, but if you define nice as a spineless gullible wimp who will do anything to please you, I am not nice at all.

Asking me to make you a plate or a sandwich “to get me through the day” now and then is one thing.  Asking me to go all out baking holiday pies and cookies and other goodies for you is another.

I am not sure what irritates me most – an old goat asking me to bring him an assortment of homemade Christmas goodies when I do my ASSUMED baking OR the fact that he hears what I am saying but he doesn’t listen to me, as if he can veto my opinion or talk me into doing what I don’t want to do.

I said, “No, I don’t do that.”

“Not even for your grandchildren?”

“No, they have a mother.”

Asking me if the woman who brings my grandchildren over to see me is my sister or telling me that I am so sweet he doesn’t need sugar for his coffee does not flatter me.  I don’t roll like that. Giving me a list of favorite cookies will not put them into my oven.  Asking me to take his Food Stamp card to the store to buy the ingredients to bake his goodies ticks me off.  (I do not get food stamps, I do not know how to use those cards, and I don’t think I am authorized to use his card.)  That’s like asking me to commit a crime.

So here is my message to every old man out there who is trying to get a woman to bake him holiday pies and cookies:

BAKE THEM YOURSELF!

It is NOT hard. Recipes are everywhere. Stores also sell box mixes and ready to bake dough, no measuring required. All you have to do is read and follow directions.

He can’t do that… or at least that is what he said when I gave him a package of “just add water” biscuit mix to go with the tub of yummy homemade cooked in a crook pot beans  (thanks to a recipe by a blog friend) adding, “I’ll just stir it in, it will taste the same anyway.” And yes, he did RUIN good beans stirring in that biscuit mix. When he returned the container unwashed, I could see little globs of white raw flour goo stuck to the sides.  And THAT is why I am NOT baking him cookies!

CP46-002

This art looks how I feel.

Am I a Christmas Cookie Grinch?

No, this old goat lives like a homeless dude in an apartment.  His wife died last year and I don’t know what happened, but he did not keep anything from her kitchen.  The man doesn’t even own a pan.  He makes his rounds, playing on the sympathy of single older women, bumming things and trying to find someone to take care of him.  That is NOT going to be me… I have no use for a man who has his priorities so messed up that he cannot meet his own basic needs.  I don’t think he has even purchased a roll of toilet paper since he moved into this building.

He gets away with it because he is nice, recently widowed, and looks like Sam Elliott in an old cowboy biker kind of way.  But that helpless homeless thing he has going on gets on people’s nerves after awhile.  He is like a stray dog with big puppy eyes, but who needs a pet man?

Okay, that’s my vent… my holiday irritation.  What’s yours?

 

 

Holiday & Hybernation

wpid-IMG_20140104_085441.jpgI have provisions:  milk, bread, beads, coffee, cigs, pencils, cereal, etc.   It is January.  And it is frigid  COLD here in Ohio.  The sunlight pouring through my windows is deceptive.   As I write, it is only 10 degrees Fahrenheit out there, but it feels like minus 4.  The day will warm up, but the bitter is coming.  Bing weather predicts Tuesday as the worst with a minus 14 at 8AM, then warming up to flat zero by 6PM.  Of course, that is subject to change.  Every time I glance at the weather predictions, the numbers seem to have shifted slightly.  I don’t think they really know enough to accurately predict by hour so many days ahead.

Anyway, I don’t do bitter cold well.  My bones lock up and nerves complain, so I am just going to hibernate until the weather breaks.   I will leave my apartment, but I am not leaving this building unless it becomes absolutely necessary.

So, how was your holidays?  Happy New Years, and all that jazz.

I had a good holiday.

We had a little Christmas Eve gathering with the grandchildren at my place, then I went down to Salem with the Xman.   We hung out at his new house for awhile.   It is not exactly new anymore, just new to me as I hadn’t seen it before.  He moved there after his house burned down in 2012.  With his permission, I snapped a photo of this old photo to post on Facebook with an “anyone remember these boys” just for grins, as children of two of the young men in the old photograph have children on my friend’s list.  

Left to right, the late Buck Brown, the Xman, and Billy Joe Van Cooney.

Left to right, the late Buck Brown, the Xman, and Billy Joe Van Cooney.

It’s a bad photo, but considering it is a photo of a photo that survived a fire… not bad at all.

I like this photo because it shows all three of them together. I don’t know what year this photo was taken, might have been a year or so before or even that same summer; it is hard to tell trying to base time by the Xman’s balding pattern. Bill moved to Holmes County years ago and Buck died two… no, it’s been three years now.

One of the reasons I posted it was because I wanted my daughter to see her dad as he was when I met him. Kids should get a glimpse of time before them, to see their father as just a boy hanging out with his friends.

I stayed a couple nights at my sister’s house, spent Christmas day visiting with family who lives in and around Salem, and celebrated New Year’s Eve at First Night Youngstown.  (I gave the spare badge to a neighbor who was planning on going and had yet to buy his ticket.)   At midnight, I was already home snuggled in my bed so if what you do at midnight influences the coming year, I should get plenty of rest in 2014.

If I have any resolutions for this year, it will be to make smaller art again…  here is a cell phone photo of the drawing I chopped down to 5×7 and finished on New Year’s Day.  There is a story behind the Two Faced woman, but I shall tell you that another day… a case of life infiltrating art.

Two Faced

Two Faced

Two tickets

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Score!  Two tickets to First Night Youngstown for the price of one.   It was a “two for $10” sale in the lobby of 20 Federal today during the Christmas Festival.    I asked, “How much for one?”  $10.  Oh.  One for ten or two for ten, guess I’ll take two.  Now I have an extra ticket in case I want to ask someone to go with me.  Oh.  I might have to think about who to ask as asking someone out for New Year’s Eve is kind of like saying, “I want you to kiss me at midnight.”   That’s not such a bad thing, but it kind of falls under the category of “be careful what you wish for”  so I don’t want to just give it to anyone.  Maybe I will wait to see if First Night ever comes up in conversations, play it by ear.

I took lots of parade photos with my trusty but now so obsolete a pawn shop won’t even take it Konica Minolta Maxxum D7 but I cannot share them because the pictures are stuck in the camera until I find (or buy a replacement) USB cord.   I used to just pop the memory card out and stick it into the slot on the computer, but my new pc only has slots for smaller cards.   The photo here was snapped back at home by cell phone.

Curious.  How do you eat chestnuts?

They make great pocket warmers.  There was a guy uptown roasting chestnuts over an open fire.  He said to just peel it and eat it.  It’s hard and tastes a little like coconut.   Is it okay to grate it over something?