Independence Day

LAST NIGHT:  I’m thinking 4th of July is Independence Day.  It’s been coming for awhile.  I’ve been slowly connecting dots while arranging ducks in neat little rows.  Patience is a virtue.

He hasn’t touched the little off-white chip of what I suspect to be his favorite rock candy yet… I found it on the bed sheet, right where he sits to roll his smokes, and laid it on the black base of the lamp on my nightstand. Maybe he hasn’t seen it yet. Maybe it’s not what I think it is… I don’t do that shit, suppose it could be tested, but how do you go about doing that? I don’t know, so I texted a photo to an ex-druggie. He suggested licking it to see if it will numb my tongue. I really didn’t want to do that, so I barely touched a tiny edge to the tip… the sensation reminded me of alum.

 

EARLIER TODAY:  I had just put the chicken and ribs that “someone” (his word choice) barbequed into the toaster oven to warm up when a glint of fresh cut metal on his keychain caught my eye.  He usually drops his keys on the stand by the door.  But today, he came in with bags of food and left his keys on the kitchen table.  I sat there like nah… then spread them out to see.  For the last couple years, he only had three keys on his keychain (key to my house, key to his apartment, and his mailbox key) and now there were four and I know damn well that brand new, freshly cut house key was NOT on his keychain when he was here last. I could also tell from the shape of the cut that it was NOT a duplicate of his or mine. So, who the fuck gave him a key to their crib?

Of course, I had to ask whose keys are on his keychain… in nicer words (no swearing) even if I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice. He was instantly hot, declaring “they’re mine” and claiming the fourth key is some random old key that he’s had for years, blah, blah, blah… yadda yadda.

Long story short: we broke up.  Then we talked… we both knew it was coming.  He says it’s what I wanted.

No, it’s not.  I love him… this rips my heart out, but it has to be… his choice, my choice, our choice… trust erodes on secrets and lies. Hiding addiction requires secrets and lies. The key was just the breaking point. He can swear up and down that he’s not seeing someone else, but that brand new key opens someone’s door.  He could have picked a better lie… told me it was a spare to his sister’s house, something I could believe.  He can’t even tell me who cooked the chicken.

It doesn’t matter.  He walked away in the pouring rain.

 

BTW, I flushed the crack.

Tell Me (revised)

Cloaks of solitude hit the floor,
My traveling boots outside your door.
Naked.  Vulnerable.  I come to you,
So make up lies or tell me true.
Weave a story if you please,
To curl my toes and melt my knees.
Rock me, love me, through the night,
Snuggle near and strike the light.

I want to bask in candle glow,
To feel alive and yet… I know.
Lonely hearts wear a silent mask.
Want me, I plead, but cannot ask.
Shadows pass by in the night,
Regret may steal the morning light.
So ride the crest before the wave,
Drifting back into slumber haze.

Alone, I sink into the whirl,
Of haunting dreams, a nightly swirl.
In my astral boots trimmed in fur,
I saw you with your someday her,
And slipped away without a sound,
Standing firm, feet on the ground.
Trains to nowhere revealed too much,
Without you here, I long for touch.

It makes no sense, I don’t know why,
Attempts at companionship go awry.
So tell me a story to weave into dreams,
Snuggled safe in soft moonbeams.
Pretend for a moment that all is well,
And hold me under an orator’s spell.
Thank you dear, my friend, sweet love,
Time marches on, free as a dove.

©2013 N.Barnes

image

Perhaps I should have picked a dark night scene image to go with the poem, but I keep thinking bloom where you are planted even if it’s in a patch of weeds.  Night dreams fade in the light of day.

So… which do you like best? 

The original is up here, could add a link but it shouldn’t be hard to find, look in the poetry section if you want to read it again. 

This version is shorter and I think stronger.

Thanks for reading!