High Tide

So much for writing a fluff piece, all warm and fuzzy about a relationship that erodes my coast on every high frikkin tide.

We had words. Snip, snip, back and forth, and a little thought that floats up now and then slipped right out of my mouth. They must have caught a wave on the high tide.

“I’m done.”

Yes, I finally said it out loud. I didn’t plan it, didn’t think about it, just opened my mouth and the words came out, surprisingly without a tinge of animosity. It was like hearing myself reading the words out loud, as if reading a brief statement in a calm voice. I am done.

He said, “I’m done, too.”

I said, “Good.”

It put an end to the snip-snip back and forth before our words escalated into a full blown argument. There was nothing to argue about anyway. He wasn’t happy because I had cancelled cable television service while he was gone for a couple days. Oh well… my bill, my budget, not like he pays for anything.

“Grandma, did you break up with him?” Little Miss Z was in the back seat, ignoring her mother’s warning to stay out of grown folk’s conversations. “He’s lazy, grandma. I think you should break up with him.”

Should I take advice from a nine-year-old?

She thinks he’s lazy as he is usually in the bedroom with the door shut if he happens to be here when the kids comes over. That’s what he does on most winter days when he is here even if it is just us… he lays around watching TV between naps and playing on his phone, wanders out now and then.

Oh, sweet child… not yet.

TILT done

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Hurt me, I bleed red. Now it’s done.

Debated about revising my LAST post, but bump that… art evolves, so why delete the contemplation of done just because you hit it with a couple more pencils?

Another quick cell snap, this time at night in a darker room… I just walked in from a night at Open M, as in Open Mind, Open Mic at the M Gallery in downtown Youngstown, Ohio, and knew at first glance that it needed some Pompeian Red tamped down by Rotviolett Purple and a little Delft Blue.

There is an energy shared by creative expression… artists, musicians, singers, poets, whatever feed off each other without consuming anything… all it does is heighten the vibe, expand the energy to spark more creative expressions. Sure, sometimes you need to isolate from the world to zone into what you are doing, but what good is a painting that is never shown or a poem that is never read?

Thanks for reading.

Here is the previous version (unfinished) in case you wish to compare without scrolling back.

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Jan Res 2014

It is the 20th of January and I’ve yet to make any New Year Resolutions. One month is about all I can handle right now. Instead of resolving to do anything for an entire year, I’m willing to commit for one month and take it from there. Yes, monthly resolutions does seem like a better way to go.

For January, my resolution is to stop letting things slide. I had to be assertive and firm in a little money matter between me and a local LLC corporation to get my due, which does not come naturally to me. On an attorney’s advice, I mailed one well worded letter and the matter was quickly resolved.

It is about time I scrubbed all that invisible ink off my forehead. Sometimes I feel like people take one look at me and automatically see “NICE” stamped up there. Unfortunately, some people think “nice” is spelled “gullible” and try to take advantage of me. Truth be told, I am a sad soul for a sob story, the first to call when someone needs something and the last on their list when they settle up, if they settle up at all. I have loaned money, paid for other people’s emergency car repairs, sold things on time, and walked away from what is rightfully mine. And it is not just dealing with people that I knew as friends, neighbors, and acquaintances. I have been burnt on custom leather work and store consignment deals, never seeing one dime nor my items ever again.

So my January Resolution is to simply stop… no more loans, no more favors, no pay later deals, and no more worms… nothing new to let slide. I am setting boundaries and limiting opportunities. If anyone wants to walk on me, they will have to knock me down first. And when need be, as I had to do this month, I will stand up for myself.

Well, that is the story behind this drawing. I had to deal with a Two Faced Woman. For lack of a better photo, I will post it again… only this time is a scanned imagine instead of a cell phone snap. I’m still not thrilled with my current scan options, washes it out a bit.

Scanned image of Two Faced Woman

Scanned image of Two Faced Woman