Cracked

After considerable self observation, the only logical alternative to the OCD diagnosis is a crack inside my head.  It is just a little crack located near the storage facility for short term memory, just wide enough for the memory of doing routine ordinary things to slip through and out, leaving me with no memory of doing whatever that stupid little thing was in the first place.  My repetitive behaviors are simply a matter of checking to make sure I did it.  Did I turn off the stove?  Shut the window?  Put out the candles?  Feed the cat?  Do this or do that?  So, I go back in and check two or three times…  or do another walk through before going to bed…  that’s not OCD.  That’s just a blip in short term memory, the mundane slipping through a crack.

As for sitting in the exact same spot every time I went to the psychologist’s office, that’s a common thing amongst tool & die makers.  Pull fifty journeymen into monthly safety meetings or whatever and odds are that most of them will choose to sit in the exact same chair that they sat in the last time they were there.  I used to take lunch orders at work.  Most journeymen expected to see the menu for this place on Monday, that place on Tuesday, etc.  And they usually ordered the same thing from the menu that they had ordered before.  The watcher in me, the natural born observer, always found that somewhat amusing.  Maybe it had something to do with having enough stuff to think about without having to remake mundane decisions like where to sit or what to eat over and over again.

Do I have repetitive behaviors?

No, not really.  Okay, so I do some things the same way I did them before and I double check to make sure I didn’t forget something, and maybe I should not read my medical charts online.  I have been thinking “huh?” ever since I saw that OCD diagnosis in my records.

I can’t remember if I have posted it before, but this is the art used for the background here…

De Rose

De Rose

Chasing Yellow

Here’s what I am working on today… chasing yellow.

I am consumed by this drawing to the point that I wake up, hit the can and push the coffee button, then color until noon. Yes, time to take a break and put together that salad I started making last night, abandoned to the fridge when I realized that what I really wanted for supper was luscious slices of red tomato sprinkled with sea salt atop crusty Italian bread that has been buttered and broiled with a grind of garlic pepper and a sprinkle of fresh grate parmeasan, not the powder crap but the good cheese. I like the powder crap, but sometimes you just got to have a nice grate. Such simple things, a supper of nothing but a crust of bread, bit of cheese, and a devine tomato.

“Do you want to see a dietitian?”

No. I’m doing the intuitive eating thing. Why are humans the only animal on the planet who do not instinctively know how to feed theirselves?

Doc was happy that I am 30 pounds less than at some date in 2012. He’s okay with my alternative herbal remedies used to avoid pills, tells me to keep doing whatever I am doing, but always asks.

I took time out from coloring yesterday to go to that appointment and then hopped a bus south, went shopping. Picked up food for Easter Dinner. The grocer was sold out of cornish hens so, oh well… changed the menu to turkey by buying a breast.

Everything else stands as is, same veggies, salads, rolls. Added cush (my grandma Ruth’s recipe for a cornbread dressing made with chicken or turkey, hard boiled eggs, and green onions – not the “cush” sold by street corner vendors, amusing though it is that they now give stuff cutsy names instead calling it by location grown. I did not know that there was weed called “cush” as to me, cush is a southern dish.) My daughter’s significant other asked me to make cush. I automatically want to refer to him as my son-in-law, but they are not married yet.

My daughter is doing most of the cooking so groceries went to her house. I will have to stop coloring long enough to make the cush and a jello salad to take over on Saturday, maybe walk up to the Re-Hab store this afternoon to give myself a break.

Something funny… read my psych diagnosis online when I double-checked the appointment time for the regular doc appointment. Yeah, they got this online thing where you can log in, read your own test results or whatever. The shrink thing is up there. He added a couple things that I was not aware of… anxiety disorder? Obcessive compulsive disorder? Me? Nah, don’t think so. I can be a bit anal at times and I do get a little obcessive zoning into doing things, but it’s not a compulsion. Just thinking wow, do I come off as being ocd? I even question the anxiety thing because I’m like really into maintaining a peaceful calm environment. I can’t deal will drama crap.

Well, off to make my salad. I’m behind on things, housework falls by the wayside, keeping dishes done up and that’s about it. Behind on reading blogs, not keeping up on other things but that’s okay… I will catch up. Right now, I’m chasing yellow.

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