Maybe Tuesday

Okay, there is no maybe about it. Today is Wednesday, but 35 years ago, the 8th of May was on a Tuesday. My daughter was born at 6:05 pm.

My perspective remains shifted. I feel like I’m laying down the under-painting for this, which may very well be, the last phase of my life.

I don’t have time for self-doubt, marginalization, or tamping myself down to play second fiddle for anyone. I’m coming out. This is me… all of me, bold and beautiful, vibrant, sarcastic, intelligent, creative, and caring. Dimming my light will not make yours shine any brighter.

I am not perfect, that’s for damn sure. I will never look or be how or what you, or anyone else, thinks I should. I have physical limitations, live with disability, make minor mistakes, and royally screw up now and then. The thing is, I don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to be me or to do what I want to do. If I’m not “good enough” or come off as “too much” for you, oh well. The next person who tries to put me in a box of their own limited expectations can go bang their self sideways. I’ll be in a box soon enough. This is my life. I only got one shot at this… reincarnation buffs might argue about that, but who knows? Even if I was here before, this could be my last go. I need to go out with no regrets.

Waxing well means nothing without implementing necessary changes. How do I want to live the rest of my life? What do I want to do?

Make art. I’ve always wanted to live a peaceful, creative life.

For the most part, I have… nothing makes me happier, feel more content, centered, and grounded than making art. At the same time, nothing has made me feel more vulnerable, inadequate, and unsure of myself as showing my art. I’ve always been an artist with a little a, as compared to Artists with a big A… amateur verses professional, real verses fake, a hobbyist. I play with art supplies.

Excuse me, the little birdie in my brain whispers, First Place Mixed Media?

Yes, this leather and copper art bra, donated to be auctioned off for charity at a black tie event that I could not afford to attend, did win first place mixed media. I didn’t even get a ribbon. I was notified by email and, so I was told, there was a card next to it during the month long show.

My automatic response is argue back: one award does not make me an “Award Winning Artist” and don’t say duh… easy count four. Nothing prestigious. Really? Third place cook, too. True on that, used to enter a newspaper’s annual recipe contest years ago, always landed third place in one category or another. And what about… Okay, I get the point. Chapter 12, with a twist.

So, I’m laying my under-painting down. I could tell you what steps I have taken, but action speaks louder than words. When I finish prepping this canvas, I’ll show ya.

Thanks for reading!

Advertisement

Call for 5×7 Donations

A share for our local YWCA.  I donate because their housing programs help homeless women and women at risk of homelessness (with or without children) right here in Youngstown, Ohio.

The juried “Women Artists: A Celebration!” show is an annual fundraiser for a worthy cause that attracts a nice crowd of art collectors and benefactors. It is very well presented.  The donation display is like a show within a show.

Last year was the first year of including donated 5×7 art and most of the art donated was from local artists and/or artists known by someone on the art committee.  They were amazed to receive a donation from an artist in Chicago, so I think it would be really cool and totally blow their minds if donated art arrives from all over everywhere. So, feel free to share!

Thank you!

NOTE:  Here is the call for donations as a pdf for easy printing: 5X7 Artwork Donation

June Bug

Well, I have done lost my mind and found it again.  It is hard to believe that it is already June.  Time flies while zoned into a wee bit of obsession.  I let myself dream without limitations and thoroughly researched possibilities.  Then I cranked the math and reeled myself back to reality, but can’t let it go.

Maybe it is a little wacked, but I am thinking “renew, re-use, recycle” all pretty much mean the same thing:  take something old and make something new out of it.    It may never look or work or be the exact same way it used to be.   It might not have the same function anymore.  It has been re-purposed as something else.  I want to re-able me.

That’s my wacked idea.   I was DIS-abled.   I am never going to be the “able” me that I used to be, so I need RE-abled along the lines of renew, re-use, recycle.  I am my own art project.

After an honest assessment of what I can and cannot do, not just what I want to do or dream of doing, I wrote a business plan that includes the following criteria:

• It must be something I can do, even with my limitations.
• It must involve art, or go well with my art.
• It must not require more than $5,000 initial investment.
• It must have a profit potential of at least $2,000 a month.

I am not going to go into details… for one reason, I would be writing this post well into August.    Another reason is that I do not have five grand to invest, so it still feels too much like a dream.

My mind keeps twirling ways to raise the money without going into debt.  I am doing things like calling up the cable company and saying, “I want to play slash my bill” (eliminating WIFI and cable TV dropped it  from $106 to $22.41 a month)  and looking at other ways to cut my cost of living.

Hey… I could become a “minimalist” and sell off most my stuff.

I keep hoping people will buy my art – it is still on display at the Mocha House in Boardman and I have two pieces going into the YWCA show later this month.  People say they like it and they sure do want it if I am giving it away, but no one wants to pay $35 for a nicely matted and framed 5×7 drawing.  No one has texted or called to even ask if I’d take less.   That’s why my business plan needed something else going on besides art.

By the way (if you happened to notice),  I replaced the drawing used as my gravatar image with a “selfie” photo that I had cropped square and flipped to black and white.   Here is the uncropped color original if you are curious as to what I look like.  I was brave enough to throw it on Facebook, where I rarely post any “people photos” so oh well… why not.

It’s not the best photo – no makeup, ratty old shirt, bad lighting, and hair not done to hide how thin it is getting on top.   Ye gads, it could be scary old lady hair with long wispy stands by the time I am 80 if I grew it long again.   I might do that, just for grins.  Yes, the mental image of myself at 80 makes me laugh.  People take things that don’t really matter way too seriously.