Dissident

Three days now, a third day of waking up in the wee hours with this song playing in my head. And always on the same lyrics.

At a quarter past, a holy no, she had to turn around… when she couldn’t hold, oh she folded, a dissident is here… escape is never the safest path… a dissident, a dissident is here.

Lyrics from Pearl Jam’s Dissident

Stuck songs in my head usually reflect something going on in my life so I have to ask myself: What the hell is my mind pondering in my sleep?

Well, there’s the obvious (relationships) but I think it is deeper. What is not safe? What am I trying to escape OR will I bail, try to escape?

I’ll tell you a little secret and it is not open for discussion. When I started my 59 days, a friend suggested reading a book called “The Artist Way, a Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity” by Julia Cameron.

It is not exactly what I expected. Yes, I read reviews first, both pros and cons, and opted to check it out as an ebook from the public library. Ironically, digital books are exactly like real books so I had to wait until someone else returned it. I placed my request and waited. When it was returned, the library checked it out for me and someone, I suspect the person who had it before me, had already requested to check it out again. That’s cool as it means someone else in this area is doing this book’s 12 week recovery program, I’m not the only one who needs the book longer than 21 days. Odds are, I will return it early as I’m waiting for the used paperback copy that I ordered on eBay in Week One to arrive.

Yeah, I dove in… opted to actually do it instead of just reading the book.

My mind twirls the lyrics, spins them around, replacing words… she has to turn around, a holy no, she folded, a dissident is here.

Levee

Haven’t shared any Fave Tunes lately, so check out this totally cool 11th century Hurdy-Gurdy being played in this YouTube video of an old song about the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927.

This is Black History month, so you might want to take a minute to read about that flood. Google if you don’t like to click links. I read that and thought oh my… the living conditions in the tent cities set up for black victims of the flood was so inhumane that it is beyond comprehension.

Make America Great Again? Pick a year! Wake up people. When, pray tell, was it actually great for all Americans? Certainly not 1927. Can you find ANY era of peace, prosperity, and justice for all? The history of racist bull in this country is so horrid that I cringe if I to have to check a box next to the word “white” on anything because I don’t want to be lumped into the same category with paranoid MAGA hat wearing white supremacist types. I’ve been tempted to click the “other” box. What if we all clicked other? Black, white… those are Crayola colors. If we are going to label diverse groups of people into generic colors to simplify discrimination, why not use the whole box of 8? Trump’s orange; the main purpose for his wall is to keep brown people out. Any blue Smurfs out there?

Yeah, I hear people say, “I voted for Trump, but I’m not racist.”

I’m curious, if you bought that MAGA nonsense hook, line, and sinker. Tell me when and why. What year, time period, or era does the “again” in MAGA imply? Why do you romanticize that particular time? Then google it… do your homework, learn a little history. Was it really so great?

Sorry, I got side tracked on a soapbox.

“When the Levee Breaks” was written by Kansas Joe McCoy. If you want to hear the original sung by McCoy and his wife, Memphis Minnie, you can find it on YouTube.

The levee in the song holds back flood waters, but the first time I heard Led Zeppelin’s version, I was “going down, going down now” in my first major battle with my arch nemesis, depression. I was 14 and suicidal, too locked inside myself to ask for help. I’m still prone to depressions; learned how to recognize the symptoms so I can usually keep that bee at bay.

Cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good, when that levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

Today, it strikes a different chord. I’m keeping an eye on a levee. If it ever breaks, I’ve got to move. Now I don’t mean pack up all my stuff and throw it in a U-haul to go live someplace else. The “levee” is a situation and “move” is to take swift positive action. What that will be, I don’t know yet. I’m trying to prepare myself. I want to be able to act instead of react.

Thanks for reading.

Fave Tune: JST’s Lost Myself to Loving You

This beautiful song has become the soundtrack of my mind for the last couple days… the lyrics are brutally honest and accurately reflect the current state of my relationship with the vet.