Hello 2019

So it begins… I’m a firm believer that what you do on New Year’s Eve and Day will set the tone for the entire year. I want to live a peaceful, creative life in harmony with my own self so I shall do things today and tomorrow that will nurture my soul and affirm intentions.

I have a list. Yeah. I’ve been thinking about this for days and gave everyone who likes to pop in on me unannounced a heads up, like a leave me be… let me do my thing, love you but I don’t want to socialize this year. I want to make art and toast the dawn, light candles in the snow. It’s a solitary thing.

Well, forget the snow as the forecast is rain today tapering off after midnight. Sunrise should be a dry 42 degrees. Perhaps KiKi Gath Ddu and Ysbryd with join me.

Yeah… up to feeding two black cats now.

This photo is KiKi, snapped when she came in on a cold night. I named the elusive feral Ysbryd (Welsh for Ghost) because he is rarely seen and looks so much like Marsberry that my grandsons told me that I “pranked” them about Mars being dead. I’m pretty sure Ysbryd is the same black cat that freaked the vet out in 2017 (wrote about that and crack back then, here’s a link:  Crackerjacks).

I’m pretty sure that KiKi has some kind of relationship going on with Ysbryd as he showed up the night my neighbor “recused” KiKi and brought her to my house.  I was told that she was a sweet little house kitty, abandoned when her owner moved, but it is fairly obvious that KiKi is a full grown cat who loves the outdoor life. She won’t come in unless it’s bitter cold (less than 20 degrees) and I know she’s bedding down somewhere, perhaps nesting in the old compost bin with Ysbryd, as I’ve seen her walk the exact same path across the back yard as the feral and have brushed out bits of weeds out of her fur. She knows this is home, shows up every night for dinner on the porch. I’m pretty sure Ysbryd eats here, too. That’s KiKi’s doing. She wants those dog-size dishes filled to the top, more than enough for two or three cats. Most days, it is gone before morning.

Oh well… here’s my New Year’s List of 19 for 2019 (in no particular order):

1. Out with the old… take down Christmas decorations; take the vet’s coats off my kitchen coat rack, bag them up and stash them in a closet with his other stuff that he’s yet to take home.
2. Set up “new” work table (a street find) in my office/studio space, rearranging furniture till it feels right, opening space to relocate this computer in there, too.
3. Straighten up the kitchen dining area and baking center, stashing away holiday supplies.
4. Write a blog post (this one).
5. Try a pour painting technique, just for grins.
6. Finish painting the outdoor ashtray stand (base coated months ago).
7. Hang more art (have to drill holes in old walls for that, too.)
8. Photograph the back side of “Endure” before rehanging it on the wall (plan to post it for sale).
9. Tear pole lamp found on curb apart, paint flowers or something on the shade.
10. Spray paint and hang the Gong (outdoors, must be over 40 degrees, no rain).
11. Invent a new recipe (thinking stuffed chicken nuggets).
12. Wake up before dawn (ditto tomorrow).
13. Light candles and toast the first dawn of the new year.
14. Bead a crystal bracelet for a friend who likes to sparkle.
15. Crochet at least a row or two on that shawl started awhile back.
16. Write down that blues poem… it’s like lyrics to a song being writ in my head.
17. Sharpen all my pencils. If I feel like it, start a new drawing.
18. Start listing old colored pencil drawings for sale online.
19. Apply temporary tattoo for grownups purchased awhile back.

These are not resolutions. There’s no deadline, no timeline… might take a few days before I can check everything off, but that’s how I want to start my year. I hope you get to start yours as you please, too.

Here’s to good things for us all… thanks for reading!

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I’m Okay

I’m starting to find this amusing… you know that old saying, the one that goes, “Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it”? Pop some corn, life’s a comedy. She wanted him, now she’s got him… and, he’s in for a fun ride. I know him so I’m going to sit back and laugh.

Oh yeah… I’ve been thinking. The kind of woman who updates her Facebook relationship status without consulting “her” man (or giving him enough time to gracefully exit his previous relationship online OR in real life first) and does things like snag photos off his page that his then-current girlfriend snapped of him, obviously at my house, will also be the kind of woman who will not give him enough space to breathe. Even if what he tells me is true – that he’s NOT in a relationship with her – she’s going to drive him frikkin nuts. Bet she’ll try to keep tabs on him, go through his phone, and everything else.

Oh, she’s wanted him for a long time, been trying to make herself known for months, pulling little stunts both on and off line. Me just walking away, giving up without a fight, this is her dream come true.

Sometimes it is best to just give people what they want, then sit back and laugh.

It’s like I told his other daughter last night… I still love him, he still tells me that he loves me “always and forever” and we gave it a good go, but it didn’t work… we can’t live together. We both need lots of space. That’s one of the few things that we do have in common. So, we are back tracking to how we used to be when we were just neighbors and friends, enjoy each other’s company on a visit now and then.

Yes, I was ticked on Christmas, but I was just angry about how it went down… how he came in pretending all was well and we were still together and everything while his other girlfriend was having her little Facebook celebration, going public with her real or imagined relationship with him. The audacity of the situation got to me… I wasn’t hurt. I was just madder than a wet hornet.

Today I’m like, “Hello, meet my best friend Karma. This is what you wanted, now you got it.”

For some reason, I find that hilariously funny. I’ve been laughing on and off about it all day, just from imagining all the ways that she’s going to drive him totally frikkin nuts.

Oh yeah, pass the popcorn. Sit back and watch Karma do her thing.

This was coming anyway… done wrung out the tears awhile back, so I may as well get a few laughs out of it. What else can you do, you know? Life is a comedy, and by that, I don’t mean stupid goof-ass slap-stick. I prefer the more subtle form, where the humor is not so much in your face, more like you would find in old movies or Brit comedies such as Keeping Up Appearances or Waiting for God.

Bottom line:  I’m okay… please don’t think I’m wallowing in self pity or anything stupid. This is just life, another twist in the road. Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

Boxing Day

Well, so much for the fight being drained out of me. Mister Stoic Face read mine. I can’t help it. Whatever I’m feeling shows on my face. I kept it together while the girls were here, determined not to say anything with it being Christmas and all, but the audacity of the situation flashed on my face when he went to kiss me on his way out the door.

“That look,” he said. “That’s why I’m leaving. You gave me that same look earlier.”

He kept talking as he walked off the porch, mumbling something about what the hell’s got into you. So, I opened the door and yelled, “Congratulations on your relationship with [Her Full Name]!”

You saw that? YES… someone screen shot her page and sent it to me. HE didn’t do it, HE didn’t respond. That’s what this is about? YES! Rawr-rawr back and forth, slammed doors and peeled tires, and I had my Facebook relationship status changed to “Single” before he could hit the first red light. He’s not in a relationship with anyone? Neither am I.

Yeah, frikkin Facebook.

A couple days ago, I noticed that he had changed his privacy level, just the privacy level, so no one else could see that he was in a relationship with me… so, I hid mine, too. Within 24 hours, that woman posted her own “in a new relationship” post AND at the same time, replaced the background photo on her page with a photo of MY boyfriend and his grandchildren snapped at a family function that he had either sent to her OR she had swiped off his page. A friend of hers who is a mutual friend of one of my friends saw it, did a screen shot, and it landed in my inbox on Christmas Day.  Her new relationship post did not say with whom as he had yet to confirm it… but that photo, along with the comments, made it frikkin obvious.

I forwarded the screen shot to his daughter knowing full well it would tick her off to see a photo of HER children on that woman’s page. Oh, she was livid. That woman has never met her OR her children. How dare she post that as her page header photo? I told her that he doesn’t know that I know yet… she must not have mentioned it before they came over, because he was acting like everything is just fine and dandy. I held it together until after everyone else had left. Then I just couldn’t hide it anymore.

A couple hours later, I get a text. Can we talk?

We had a long talk… he can’t help that woman has had a crush on him since grade school and he cannot control what she puts on her page. He’s not messing with her… they’re just old friends, dated for about 3 months in High School, he knows her family, knew her husband, blah blah blah… they lost contact off and on over the years. She sent him a Facebook friend request ye about a year ago… yes, he’s stopped by to see her a few times, but he’s not messing with her… they’re just old friends catching up over drinks.

So, she’s delusional? This is all her fantasy? Completely one sided? Why hasn’t he checked her? Set her straight? Is she some kind of psycho bitch? Or, does she have reason to believe that there is more to it than what he thinks there is?

I didn’t ask those questions out loud. I know him… he hugs his female friends. Maybe she falsely interpreted an innocent hug. Maybe she takes all those “love you” memes and pass-along messenger share things a bit too personally. Maybe he’s being straight up and honest with me. Maybe he’s not.

Does it matter? NO

Our long talk was mostly about us… where we are, where we were, where we screwed up, and where we go from here. We talked about us as individual people, what we need, what we want, how we are. Time for a new chapter. Life goes on, turn the page.

As for that frikkin Facebook, it causes more problems than it’s worth… we are still friends, but I don’t think I’m going to click any likes or comment on his shit just in case she is some kind of psycho bitch who might want to eliminate me in real life, too.

Thanks for reading. I’m so looking forward to 2019… this year, I’m going to start it right.