The Last Mother

On this, the official Mother’s Day in the year of our Lord 2015, I hereby resign from mothering grown ass people who are incapable of tending to their own basic needs.

In other words: “Buy your own rolls and roll your own.”

That’s rolls, as in toilet paper and cigarettes. How hard is it to comprehend? If you use a toilet, you will need some toilet paper. Ditto for smokers and tobacco products.

All I am saying is, jack it up the list of your personal priorities!

Now there is a difference between someone rolling off the last square a couple days before payday (maybe they had company or an unexpected virus) and someone who refuses to buy their own. It galls me because I have given this man MORE double rolls of good toilet paper out of my last pack than I have used myself. It REALLY galls me because that man just got his Social Security check on the first, blew all his money on God only knows what, and didn’t buy any toilet paper.

So, I did the “Elaine” thing… nope, sorry, can’t spare a square.

Okay. I wanted to say that… but, it came out backwards. I told him that I can spare some squares, but not a whole roll. He declined; said he would ask someone else.

See? That’s the thing. I can QUIT doing this mothering crap and they will find someone else, just as how they hit someone else up before me. It is a never ending saga. People who live by the Bum’s Rule (never buy for yourself what you can get off someone else) are NOT going to change. The only person affected by my resignation is me. They will survive, sink or swim, without me.

By the way, it is NOT just toilet paper, shampoo, razors, laundry soap, coffee, cigs, sandwiches, and other mothering stuff. I am tired of being hit up for petty cash – small loan here, small loan there, hey lady got a dollar? And it is NOT just one or two people hitting me up. I can’t do it anymore, so I am done. This branch of the First National Bank of Mothers is now officially and permanently CLOSED.

So, Happy Mother’s Day!

As for me, I have passed my torch on to my daughter. She’s the mom now… I’m just grandma.

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