Close-up: Blue Man

Where do tree spirits go after trees are chopped or burned, milled into lumber, or ground into paper pulp?

I found this little man hiding in my drawing, right there in the blues of the under painting, so I darkened a bit around to make him easier for others to see. I did not purposely draw or paint that figure. I didn’t even see it until I had finished other areas. There was another one someplace else that I harshly colored over because it gave me a bad vibe. It popped up like sinister “hey I’m here, too” but bump that, scribble scribble, be gone!

Later on, I saw the ghostly face hiding in the light, but that one is an illusion of paint and pencils. I did not see the chain until after I photographed it. I must have drawn it, or drawn around it when I was darkening between the fence boards, but did not realize that I was drawing links of a chain. I was just darkening around what was already there, the fence and night scene in that area to make it more visible, if that makes sense. Everything else in other areas are drawn.

Sometimes, I like it when things like that happen and sometimes, I do not like it at all… I don’t like getting a bad vibe from something I see in my art.

I think the blue man is a wee little tree spirit that got stuck in there during the paper making process. This is that watercolor paper of unknown content, a 5×7 cut from those couple sheets set aside a few days ago. (After doing two on white cotton paper, I was in the mood to color on painted paper again.) The blue man is okay. It made me smile to see him, not like that other who just felt evil. I don’t want to see anything like that popping up in my art. If I can see it, can it see me? Maybe I ought to stick to 100% cotton?

Oh gosh… I must sound crazy. I don’t think I want to keep this one. That thing might still be inside the paper, maybe the chain showed up for a reason.

Anyone want it? Make me an offer, at least enough to cover postage and cost of mat, buy your own 8×10 frame. The photo doesn’t show all of it… I can snap it again come daylight. It’s not my best work.

Well, I best catch some zzz’s before the sun rises and the kid pops in asking for coffee on her way to work. Enjoy your day!


Reality Check Sunday

I slept hard, slept in, and slowly awoke in the midst of a bingeing nightmare.

I have not mentioned binge eating disorder for awhile because I did not want to write about it, didn’t even want to think about it. So much for avoidance.

In the dream, I was bingeing on sugar, a homemade concoction of a creamy nougat center coated with caramel and pecans (later peanuts, when pecans became too exspensive to keep up with me) and double dipped in chocolate. They were shaped like gourmet easter eggs and my sister was making them for a wedding. She needed hundreds to serve all the guests, but I was sneaking them by the handfuls. She resorted to hiding batches all over the church and I was still eating them, hunting them like easter eggs and gobbling them up for the mind numbing sugar high. By the end of the dream, the candies were individually wrapped and boxed in attempts to slow me down, but only long enough to rip each open.

Oh yes, definately a nightmare. Yet thinking about it later, I realized what was missing… the dream lacked guilt, remorse, and shame. It also lacked that sicky thing that comes with a real life sugar high binge. (Anyone who thinks it is impossible to experience a sugar high has never consumed enough to get there. Most people, I assume, get sick enough to stop before the numb rush kicks in. Suppose that sick thing is body rebellion trying to make you stop before serious harm occurs as it can’t be healthy to mess with glucose levels or whatever physiology is going on.)

So, that was an odd dream… but dreaming it reminded me that avoidance is not the best way to deal with anything. Avoidance is just a temporary escape from reality.

At the same time, I don’t want to become obcessed with recovery from binge eating disorder as that is almost as bad as being obcessed with binge foods. I don’t want to have to think about it. I want “not an option” to become “not an issue” someday.

In all honesty, I am not quite there yet. I have become quite adapt at stopping binges in the early stages, but I’m skirting the edge, walking the fence, and crossing over the line a little too often. And the scales, the undeniable means to check reality, prove that with stagnation. If bingeing, I gain weight… if not, I lose.

It has been exactly one month since I stepped on the digital scales for a precise number, as I weighed myself at home before going to the doctors on March 28th, and the number is only two pounds less… which doesn’t count as a lost as it is “normal” to fluctuate up and down a couple pounds. I weigh the same.

Okay, maybe the body “reaches a plateau” between loses but I know the reason has more to do with number of times I’ve had to stop myself from bingeing and yes, I can lie to myself with words like “progress not perfection” which I know is total bull. That’s like saying it is okay to stop yourself from chopping off your fingers after your hand is a bloody mess. It is much better to just not do that in the first place.

Since I have the tendency to use avoidance, maybe I need to scheduale a weekly weighing as a reality check. If I use the spring scales (shown below) instead of the digital, then (maybe) I won’t become obcessed with the actual number down to the tenth, thus limiting possible personal judgement to a simple okay or not okay. All I know is avoidance is not cutting it.

As for the pencils on the scale? Ah, that is the other thing I need to do this week, narrow down my dick blick wish list and order pencils to replace some stubs. Thanks for reading!
~ Nancy

Saturday Finds

Gotta love thrift shops, yard sales, and re-stores!

I bought two good size metal frames today. They are identical, each with the same picture of a peaceful line of trees casting long shadows under the glass. The prints are “fake art” as in mass produced, poster quality, framed prints sold to crinimal lawyers or doctors to match the decor in the waiting rooms.

I don’t care about the pictures… I just saw how the frames were made. They are the kind sold in pairs of framing parts in art supply stores, two pairs required to make a frame, with corner connectors and flat springs. A quick lookup in the blick catalog tells me that I just got over a $100 worth of frame parts for 17 bucks. Just the glass would cost more than that.

The only bad thing is you can’t wire up metal frames so I won’t be able to enter whatever I do with them into any art shows that require wood frames with screw eyes and hanging wire, but that’s okay. I like good metal frames. Especially black.

Yes, that is a two foot T-square resting on the frame in the photo. I had to quick measure, lol. Each frame is ye about 29 x 35 inches. Not bad, for Saturday finds.

Well, take care… love, peace, and all that happy jazz.
Make art!