Thursday Morning

Good morning. It is one of those days… a restful restless night as in repeatedly waking up feeling ready to go until a glance at the clock said whoa… can’t start the new day at midnight or two a.m., go back to sleep… snippets of dreams and awake again. At 5:30 figured enough, may as well get up. Zapped a cup of yesterday’s coffee hot again, then zapped a slice of pizza leftover from dinner with my sister last night, zapped just long enough to take the chill off. Pulled out a spool of black thread to mend a new flannel shirt, should take it back but hell with it. Whoever snipped the button holes accidentally snipped one too much. Easy fix with needle and thread.

Flipped the morning news on. Should I be amused? Reports of some vague threats posted on youtube by a masked “anonymous” targeting Columbiana County officials, no names or specifics. What is the purpose of the masks? Perhaps the same as any other masked or cloaked group, men hiding under sheets?

Okay, I understand public outrage… how can I say this without offending people? I am not saying that the citizens are stupid, just saying that town is known locally about as “Stupidville, Ohio” so the public has a valid concern about the possibility of crimes being swept under the rug, for two boys accussed of rape getting off scot-free just because they play on a small town football team. The case has yet to come to trial.

Oh goodie, we are in for a January thaw. Unfortunately, the warmer weather brings rain. Not today. The rain should start later tonight. I need to get out of here today.

I think that shrink thinks that socialization is the key to recovery. In some ways, that is funny because I socialize now more than I have in years. I am not isolating. It is impossible to isolate in this community, even in winter, as people are out and about. I talk to neighbors damn near everyday. I hop the bus and go into the city, spend more time downtown now than when I actually lived “in” Youngstown. I talk to people everywhere I go. Or rather, people talk to me… strike up conversations on the street, at bus stops, in stores, etc. That is one thing that I like about Youngstown. Folks down there in Columbiana County do not talk to strangers, say something to someone in a store and they look at you weird, flash of panic in their eyes as if they are saying, “Who are you? Why are you talking to me?” It freaks them out. I lived down there for two years and the only people who would speak to me were relatives, taxi cab drivers, and a few people who remembered me from years ago. It took months before neighbors would speak and then, they were still somewhat guarded. What a contrast!

I don’t know… I savor my solitude, crave it with every inch of my being. It wears me out to be around people all the time, so I think that I have a good balance here. When I want to socialize, I can go out around people. I can go downtown, go shopping, go visiting, hit a coffeeshop or go swim, whatever and talk to people here and there. In warmer weather, I make art on the porch, enjoy conversations and laughter while sharing the pencils or whatever. When I want to be alone, I stay in… but okay, if I need to socialize more, then I will go do something fun. Go to art openings or play bingo.

Oh well. I read back some of my other posts and its like wow, what a way to start this blog out, sounding like a whiny bee? I’m not really like that… only whine on paper, even this virtual paper.

Still debating what to do today. Maybe go for a walk, putter around the house a bit, take a nap, then play with broken glass… or at least set up the workspace so I can wander in to work on the mosaic whenever I feel like it, leave it all out in plain sight, just shut and lock the door when short people (grandchildren) come to visit. Okay, that sounds like a plan.

Enjoy your day! ~ N.